


A Soldier's Crossing

by av_verse



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alcoholic Tony Stark, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers Feels, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Death, Drinking, Gen, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Pepper Potts Feels, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Tags Are Hard, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 07:22:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14711657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/av_verse/pseuds/av_verse
Summary: After Infinity War, I needed to get my feels about the ashes scene out on paper, so here I give to you some post-Infinity War Tony Stark feels and lots of angst.





	A Soldier's Crossing

_I’m waking up, to ash and dust._

Tony stared in shock at the dull gray ashes coating his hands. Peter’s ashes. Two minutes ago, those big brown doe eyes had been staring at him in desperation, begging Tony to do something, to save him. Peter had lurched forward when the realization of the situation entered his mind, and clung to Tony like a child. He was a child.

Yet Tony had done nothing.

Peter’s voice, filled with terror and confusion, asking, pleading for Tony to tell him what was going on.

_“I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go. Mr. Stark, please! Please. I don't wanna go.. I don't wanna go…”_

Then Tony, unable to carry the weight of the young hero any longer, fell to the ground and lay Peter against the rubble. There was a moment of silence, and then Peter’s eyes drained of fear and were replaced with calm. He turned his head toward the billionaire.

_“I’m sorry.”_

For what, Peter?

For what?

_I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust._

“We have to go.” An assertive voice jolted Tony out of his shock, and he looked up to see a blue face staring impassively back at him. Nebula, wasn’t it? She took his arm and hoisted him up, practically dragging him to her beat up, yet functional ship.

The trip back to Earth was a quiet one.

When the ship landed, he was greeted by Happy Hogan. Tony asked him where she was.

Happy shook his head.

_I’m breathing in, the chemicals._

Tony locked himself in his room, downing bottle after bottle, ignoring the pounding in his head and the pounding at the door.

Another one gone, another one gone, he thought.

Tony wasn’t thinking about the alcohol.

_I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus._

Punch after punch, day after day. The training room was a wreck when the others came in for team workouts.

Tony rarely made an appearance.

Climbing into his sleek black Audi, he paused. He hadn't called for a press conference since the day he got back from Titan. Eight months ago he would have basked in the idea of his popularity, making sarcastic remarks to reporters and cutting in with little quips. Now, nothing was the same. He hated the flashing cameras, hated the name Stark more than ever now. One foot in the car and one on the pavement, he called for Happy. His voice was hoarse from little use.

“Hey Happy, I'm not sure I can do this.” Happy opened the car door, sighing so quietly he was sure Tony wouldn't notice. But Tony always noticed.

Walking tiredly back to the compound, a wordless Pepper brushed by him. He turned.

“I'm sorry Pep,” he whispered.

“Tony, who are you talking to?” Happy’s concerned voice cut through Tony’s thoughts.

“Pepper,” he said, confused. Happy’s eyes softened.

“Let’s go inside, Tony.” Happy started walking again. Tony turned back to say goodbye.

Pepper was gone.

_This is it, the apocalypse._

Half the population was turned to dust, the other half crying for desperately needed help.

Not a single person knew what to do.

Some people languished at the end of the world, some people relished the thought of Ragnarok. The blissful wish of death, to be free from the cruel, tight grip of the universe, to be reunited with the ashes of their loves.

Tony was one of those people.

But… that wouldn’t be what Pepper would’ve wanted. That wouldn’t be what Peter would’ve wanted.

So Tony fought.

One by one, the liquor bottles fell from the tower and crashed onto the street below.

The Iron Man suits were donated to the army.

The Avengers were forgiven.

_I raise my flag and dye my clothes. It's a revolution, I suppose._

Iron Man was a public face. Tony Stark was a private one.

_We’re painted red, to fit right in._

The Avengers were a symbol for the people. A thing people could look to for hope. What could the Avengers themselves look to?

Life.

The very instinct of survival, a human need to defend.

_I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones. Enough to make my system blow._

Little by little, the damage lessened and the hope grew stronger.

There were moments Tony felt truly alive.

_Welcome to the new age._

The population would fix itself, the people would fix themselves, and the world would mend. In 300 years this would be in the history books, a thing of the past. But right now, it was progress.

And that was okay.

_I’m radioactive._

There were some days Tony Stark wanted to die.

But then he remembered the reasons to live.


End file.
